Letter to a child

Child oh child. I don't know if you can begin to realize how much joy you bring to me. As I lay in bed dozing off, I hear you laugh a little to loudly in the other room. It makes me smile to hear you. We've had a hard day, you and I. A day I wouldn't want to repeat, or wish on anyone, but still I am filled with joy at the sound of you. Whatever it is we go through, the fun times, the rough times, the sad times, I can always find joy in just knowing you are a child of mine.

Fasting - not like the "good old days"

Well, I did it...sort of.
I decided to go on an electronics fast. Most people I mentioned this to looked at me like I was some kind of nut. Perhaps I am, but I just got to feeling like I depend way too much on our electronic age to keep myself "busy". I found myself constantly checking my email and Facebook accounts, playing computer games and of course watching DVD's (we do not have tv at all). So I decided my best choice to break myself of these habits would be to go on an electronics fast. Originally I wanted to stay away from my phone too, except in the case of an emergency, but my husband decided for me that it wouldn't be in my best interest; or anyone else's, to do so.
So I started my fast on a Sunday. When I get an idea in my head, I have all kinds of great plans to back it up. I figured out just what I wanted to do with all this time I was saving by not using electronics. All started out very well. It wasn't hard finding things to keep myself busy, though I did find it very hard not to go sit at the computer; what a habit that had become! I had to laugh at myself at how many times I had to stop myself from plopping down at the computer to do some little meaningless thing. It really took a lot of will power and rethinking to get myself away from it. After a few days, I did conquer the urge, however...Victory!!!
One part of the fast was not so victorious, though. I only lasted 3 days on the DVD part of the fast. It was a lesson well learned, though. What I found out is that I am not yet well enough to do without my DVD time. There are still times and days when I just don't have the energy to do anything, at all, and watching DVD's is a refuge for me. Though it makes me a little sad, I am thankful for the lesson, because I believe I learned an even bigger lesson than that. Through all this illness stuff I, ever the optimist, kept thinking "Ok, I am now well enough to be back to my old self". The fact is, that though I have gotten better a little at a time, it will still take a lot of little steps to regain my full health. I also have to consider that it has been years since this all began, and so need to figure aging and how hard this all has been on my body...so I may never get back to where I was health wise. Or perhaps, because I have discovered so many allergens along the way, I will feel even better than ever for having removed them from my diet.
As far as the rest of the fast, I believe I have broken my habit of using the computer to fill in time I could be doing something more constructive. And though I intend to keep in touch with people, I believe I will not allow myself to get back to the point I was at. And as I continue to regain my health, I intend to try again and again until I am successful at the full fast, and keeping my electronics addiction to a minimum.

Validation

What a word, it has so many implications for me. Mostly recently it is something that I feel I have lacked when it comes to the illness I've been dealing with. I don't even really know that I can call it illness now that I am over the anemia and the worst of it all, but perhaps rather the ill health I am trying to overcome. It has been such a struggle, and to look at me you would not guess that I am having health issues. Thus the lack of validation. We are such a visual, appearances based society that we often don't take the time to look further than the surface. I'm sure on the surface I look 'fine', but it is not the surface I am having trouble with (well, there is the issue of the weight I've gained and can't lose as a side effect of the health issues). It is the fact that I just don't have the energy to do much. I am home now, on a full time basis for a while. My first day off of work I guess folding laundry and filling out recommendation forms (for my dance students) was overdoing it and so I paid for it for two days by not being able to do much more than lay around. I KNOW every one gets tired, but it is NOT THE SAME THING!!!! I have to remind myself that often when I am feeling guilty for not getting more done.
But I have received my validation at least from one quarter. I have had to file for unemployment and in doing so, they require that you accept any job, part time or full time. I cringe at the thought of working a full time job, I panic, I want to cry at the thought of having to work an 8 hour day....I just can't do it. So I asked my doctor if he would be willing to sign a release for me stating that I was not able to work more than a part time job and he agreed! VALIDATION!!! I am so very thankful, appreciative and validated.

Saying Goodbye

I got laid off the other day, it was really an odd feeling. Though I am a bit concerned about how we are going to pay the bills, that is really the least of what I've been processing since the time my boss sat down with me and told me she had to let me go.
I have actually been praying for God to release me from that job. I LOVED the people I worked with, greatly enjoyed the part about helping people and chatting with the patients, but I no longer believed in what we were offering. The business has gone through several doctors and though I liked the current one as a person, I just don't have a lot of faith in his abilities. Also, the business was depleting (thus the reason for my layoff) and so I had a lot of time where I had to find things to do but I was limited in what I was allowed to do, so it was sometimes a challenge....I like to be busy.
Another reason I have prayed to be released is because in my heart, I just want to be home. Because of illness I have a limited amount of energy, and I was always conserving/using that energy for my job. It left little for taking care of my home and family. I have yearned to be home and be able to focus on my family rather than my work. I want to be able to clean my house, cook meals, help my daughter with her school etc with my full attention and energy. Not struggle by with the minimum with what little energy I have left.
But the odd feeling about being laid off comes from a completely different source than any of this. It comes from the idea of knowing that this place I have been a part of for the past 13 years will no longer be a part of my life. I have only worked there for 3 years, but had started as a patient there a long time ago. I have learned, healed, grown, and worked in this environment for so long that it has really become a part of me. And so, though I saw it coming, when I was told I no longer had a job it was such an unusual feeling knowing that I was saying goodbye to that part of my life. Something, someplace, some one that has been at least somewhere in my conscious thought for a large part of my life. I realized a long time ago that we go through seasons in our lives, that we have people in our lives for a season of time. So I am prepared in some way for this season to be over, but I think it will take a while for me to get used to the idea and to stop missing this part of my life.

My Recent Adventure

WARNING, THIS IS A LONG ONE! :) THE SHORT VERSION IS: I went to Missouri to drive back with Rena, we have a good trip, and are now safely home.


I recently went to Missouri to drive home with my daughter from college. The adventure kind of starts Thursday night, because I chose to wait until after teaching the last week of classes before the recital, before I left. My students greatly appreciated that! So my husband drove me to Beaverton, where my parents live, and I stayed the night with them. In the morning....very EARLY in the morning...my very generous father got up at 4:00 with me and drove me to the airport.
I appreciate safety, but I am not thrilled with the extent to which the airports go to insure it. I did not pack any shampoo, conditioner or anything liquid; I did not bring a crochet hook to work on my projects (I sent it ahead); I made sure I didn't break any of their "rules"; but because I chose to dress comfortably, in a baggy shirt, I had to be patted down at the security. I was definitely NOT thrilled about that. But I made it through security without any problems and proceeded to my gate.
I have recently been very ill and have not regained my strength as yet and so, though I only had two bags and they weren't really that heavy, it was a bit of a struggle to get to my gate of departure. I as tired and felt like I'd had an intense workout. The flight wasn't boarding yet, so I decided to call Brian to pass the time. That's when I realized I no longer had my phone! The thought of having to go all the way back to the security area made me feel like crying; I looked around in desperation for a locker to store my bags, to no avail. I would have to carry those bags all the way back to security, and then back to my gate. I prayed for strength and began the looonnggg trudge back, I really didn't think I could do it. Then I realized I could use the human conveyor belt! Though it was not long, nor did it anywhere near cover the area I needed to go, it was so helpful! I made it to security, got my phone back and made it safely on the plane in plenty of time....no collapsing from exhaustion!
My connecting flight was in Fort Worth Texas. Now I am not a morning person, so my brain does not think straight in the morning, or when I have not had enough sleep. Just thought I'd defend myself before I say that I could not figure out what was going on with my connecting flight. I checked the huge reader board that has all the outbound flights. It didn't have the right flight number or time, but the time was close and the airline was correct and the city, so I decided to go to the gate and see what they could tell me. This was a huge airport, and they have these airrail type shuttles that take you to your gate area. So I got on one to take me to the area I thought I was suppose to be at. Thankfully, during that short ride, it occurred to me that perhaps I was not flying into St Louis MO, I looked at my ticket and, sure enough, I had the wrong city! I got off the shuttle, found another reader board, figured out the correct flight and made it to my gate just as the final boarding call was being announced. I was praising the Lord for helping me get there on time.
Rena was not at the airport when I arrived. It took her longer than anticipated to get there, so I sat down to wait for her. I told her where I'd be, so watched for her. When she got there, I stood up and waited for her to notice me. This was not a huge airport, but busy enough, numerous people around. When she saw me, she exclaimed "Mommy!" and threw her arms open for a hug. Can't begin to express how sweet it was.
We had told Rena to get everything packed, that she and I would be packing the car that night so we could leave first thing in the morning. We didn't get back to her college until almost 6 o'clock. She ran to get dinner, we went to her room and it was a mess. Only a portion had been packed, she still needed to return books to the library, and run a couple other errands. We didn't actually start backing the car until 8:00. Again I wanted to cry, there was no way we were going to fit everything in her car. She owns a '95 saturn SL1. It is a small car. She had a lot of stuff. Not the best combination. So we had to figure out what we were going to do about it. The first thing we chose to do was to take the clothing out of boxes and just stuff it in where ever we could make it fit. That helped a lot. We had saved room behind the driver's seat for her mini fridge; there was no way we were going to fit it and the rest of her things in the car. So she called a friend and asked if she could leave a couple things with her. Thankfully she said that was fine...what a relief. We packed up the rest of her junk, she did go through it and ended up giving some things away to the ladies auxillary and tossing some things, and even had time to relax a little before heading to bed.
I had tried to schedule our trip so that we would have 3 twelve hour days of driving. It isn't always easy to tell on a map how long it is going to take you to get from point "A" to point "B". I also used online information to book our hotels. We belong to AAA so I used that to guide me....not always accurate.
So really the entire trip went very well overall. We had great weather for most of it, only a little rain the last day, so we were very blessed to have decent roads, light traffic and good weather. The first day went well travel wise. We got to the town our hotel was in, it was a ways into town, as we drove farther, and farther into town, it got dirtier and more rundown. The hotel was not the in the greatest neighborhood, I feared Rena's car would get broken into. We brought in everything valuable and made sure the door was double/triple locked. I chose not to let it keep me up...it was only 'stuff' and I left in it the Lord's hands, and He kept our things safe. We were happy to shower, eat dinner (which was from the worst Taco Bell EVER!!!) and watch tv. We fell asleep, and Rena, the now heavy sleeper, slept blissfully through the night. I, however, was awakened about an hour after I fell asleep by the thundering herd above us. I actually think it was only one person, but he walked VERY heavily and seemed to find it necessary to walk back and forth MANY MANY times! Of course he got up early the next day as well! UGH!!!
The Mystery!!!
The next day on the road was as nice as the first. We were excited to be gaining an hour of time. I was driving when we passed the time zone and Rena happened to be texting, so she noticed that her phone time had changed...YAY! Soon after we stopped at a rest stop...I like to refer to it as the rest stop from the twilight zone. doodoo doodoo, doodoo, doodoo. We stopped at this rest stop and the first odd thing we noticed was in the bathroom. There toilets, sinks and hot air dryers as most rest stops, but we don't really like to use the air dryers, so we always check for paper towels. The thing is, there were paper towels in the garbage, but no paper towel holder anywhere!!! We looked and checked and searched and there just wasn't one to be found...where did they obvious restroom paper towels come from? After we got outside, Rena was checking her phone for messages, and she noticed it had the wrong time, it said it was 12:30 when it should have said 10:30...we were quite confused about the whole thing. I checked my phone and it said the same time...we had to take them off automatic adjusting and change the time for them to read right....we were fine with getting out of there! Too strange!!!!!!!
I was a little concerned about the hotel for the second night, but kind of had a good feeling about it, so reserved judgement for when we got there. It was SO nice (for the kind of hotel it was) and we loved the little town it was in...just fell in love with Logan, Utah. It was a sweet little town, with lots of character. I am hoping to go back some day with my honey and explore it a bit. It is a beautiful area, old town charm and being a mormon town, very friendly.
We made it home fine...maybe a little worse for wear physically, but had some nice mother/daughter time together, and a good adventure to add to out memories.

AHHHH......

I cannot BEGIN to express how good it feels to have a chiropractic adjustment....a GOOD chiropractic adjustment. I've been adjusted, over the years, by several chiropractors and it really does make a huge difference in who is doing the adjusting. I think it is too bad that, like all avenues of life, many get a bad reputation because of a few bad eggs.
Anyway...I sleep better, I think better, I feel BETTER! after an adjustment. The freedom of movement after being adjustment has almost a giddying affect. It isn't just those sore, tight spots you know about that are feeling so much better, it is the areas you didn't realize you were having a problem with that now feel so free and wonderful! So not only does your body feel better, your entire being does...your spirits are lifted for feeling so much better.
I had a friend once tell me she didn't like the idea of having to go to a chiropractor on a regular basis, she just didn't feel that was right. She is willing to go if her back hurts so bad she can't move, but only for as long as it takes to get her moving again. I am sorry for her because I KNOW how much better I feel when I continue to get care and am assured that everything is moving well structurally...it really raises my standard of living all around.
Also, working in a chiropractor's office, I know a lot about the benefits some people never quite understand. It is more than just having your spine aligned, it is an overall health issue, chiropractic can help you with so many issues other than just pain.
Another huge benefit, to my way of thinking, is that GOOD chiropractors are wellness based practitioners. Their goal is not mainly to help you when you are hurting, but once you get past the hurting, to help you stay WELL!!! so you won't have to deal with other issues later. So going continuously to get adjusted is a choice I make so I can stay healthier in the long run and feel better all the time. I think it is a choice well made

Help! I've Farmvilled and I can't give up!

Farmville Hmmm. I first got onto Farmville to see what all the fuss was about. I am a computer gamer, as my computer will attest. I like playing a game to while away the time, to help de-stress, to just enjoy myself. So have purchased a game or two or many over the years.
So, Farmville, hmmm.
I got onto Farmville because all these Facebook people were playing it and I thought it must be fun. I made my little person, I plowed some ground, planted some seeds and...... well huh, what now? It takes FOREVER for the seeds to grow, so what is there to do? Well like most story strategy games it is a little slow at first. Of course me with my amazing powers of patience, gave up on it shortly after I started.
Liking to help people, though, I generously accepted the gifts I was sent, thinking that accepting them was helping my friends...why? I don't know. I never checked the game out closely enough to understand how it worked. One time I accepted a gift and got a notice that my giftbox was full. Well, guess I need to do something about that, I thought, so I went onto my little farm and used as many of the gifts as I could...made my farm a little more interesting. Of course I had to buy a house and a barn in order to use some of the items, but oh well. While I was puttering around with these gifts, I thought maybe I should make a bigger planting area, plant some more crops. Somewhere in there I realized that when you send a gift, you are hoping to receive a gift back! Some gifts are just to send gifts, to help your "neighbor" out (another important part of Farmville, neighbors), but also if you need something, you can send that item as a gift in the hopes you'll get that item back as a gift...hmmm!
Another important part of Farmville is helping your neighbor! Well you can't do a whole lot, but you can fertilize their crops and feed their chickens. This not only helps them out, it helps you! What an idea :) I'd get a notice that someone fertilized my crops and wonder why they would care to help me LOL NOW I KNOW!!! I've fertilized once a day since I got hooked....yes, Farmville has dragged me in.
Now there are a couple ways to get what you need to complete tasks/items you might want. You can buy them with the coins or dollars you earn, you can receive them as gifts, or you can request they be sent to you. I had decided not to add to the many posts I see every day, so have tried to make a go of it without posting...at all! We'll see how far I get. It has taken my quite a while to get to a double digits level. I have been tempted to make up a fake person to send me exactly what I want...sad thought, but if you see a suspicious name come up as my neighbor, you'll know!
One feature that made me snort with derision at first is the fact that you can pay for dollars and coins....why would I pay money for that, was my initial thought. Well, now that I have been hooked, I see why! And being a computer gamer, I can see the reason of spending a little money on a game you enjoy. I have determined I won't spend money on this game...and plan to stick to that plan. I'll make up 10 fake friends before I do that...just a matter of my stubbornness I think :)
So to any Farmville fans...help! To any who do not like it...good for you, don't even start to look at it because if you spend too much time there...you'll be hooked too!